Dearest Internet, I never really felt understood until I met you.

At the risk of getting spammed into oblivion, I’m posting the results of a personality profiler I took the other evening when I needed yet another reason to put off doing the dishes. I was amazed, not because my husband got off his own skinny arse to wash them (that’s what usually happens) but because I felt like in reading these results I had truly found my soulmate.

Except now my soulmate turns out to be some statistic calculator that wants me to 29.95€ for full 100 page report and I’m lilke ’sha, I’ve got bills to pay and shoes to buy’ so you’re stuck here reading the free version.

The thing is, aside from the spamania that is since attacking my inbox,  I truly do  feel understood by these, er, automated robots. Why is it so easy when getting people to ‘get’ things is so stinking frustrating? I actually made my husband sit down next to me so I could explain to him, look, here it is ! Leaving the dishes for you is an inherent part of my personality and God made me like that so you should just deal with it, ok?

Isn’t the internet wonderful ?

So here it is, the carrot in front of my nose, Chapter Two of my 100 Page Personality Profile : 

 (The reader is informed at this moment that the length of this post may be hazardous to productivity.)

Ahem. Personality Test begins.

Sassy, how you compare to the average person?

(Sassy : I dunno, but you’re gonna tell me and then you’re gonna spam me, right?)

Knowing how you compare to the average person can give you insight into which parts of your personality stand out when you interact with other people. When reading your Personality Report, it is important to understand that personality measurements are what scientists call ‘relative’ measurements. For example, think about the statement: “Sarah B. is a talkative person.” What does this statement mean? We are all talkative when we compare ourselves to a goldfish, but perhaps less talkative when we compare ourselves to a gossip journalist.

(Sassy : Now why would I compare myself to a goldfish? Are you trying to insinuate something. Oh whatever, just go on.)

Knowing The question is: ‘Sarah B. is talkative, compared to whom?’ The answer is: ‘Compared to the average person in the population.’Researchers from the Institute for Personality Assessment in California have revealed interesting findings about the way our personality compares to the average. By carefully tracking the personality traits of hundreds of individuals from preschool through adulthood, researchers have concluded that people, on average, can and do change in predictable ways over time.

(Sassy : TRACKING people from preschool to adulthood??? You people sound pretty powerful now, I hope I haven’t bitten off more than I can chew !) 

Our activity level, for example, slowly decreases as we grow older. We also tend to become less emotional, less extroverted, and more thorough as we get older. On a relative basis, though, people’s comparison to the average tends to remain stable. That is, although you might become less active as you get older, if your activity level at the age of 20 was above average when compared to your peers, you will most likely still be above average when compared to your peers at the age of 70. Personality studies show, for example, that 3-year-olds who were more afraid than average of unfamiliar objects (a metallic robot) also tended to be shyer than average at the age of 18.

(Sassy : And what does it say about 3 year olds who think that they ARE a metallic robot, because honestly, I’ve been looking for someone to talk to about that…)

 Although the children became less afraid with age, so did their peers. To see where your personality stands out, compare yourself to the average. It is this relative nature of personality measurements that tells us what can be predicted from a personality test. A personality testcannot predict how you will act in each and every situation. On some days you will be more active, while on other days you will be less. But a personality test can predict how you will act on average, on an average day, compared to the average person. On the following pages, you will find a description of how you compare to the average male and female in each of the eight personality areas. In the case of personality measurement, it is important to remember that ‘average’ does not mean ‘good’ or ‘bad’, or even ‘normal’, it simply tells you the ‘most common’ score. You can consider the areas in which you deviate most from the average to be the areas of your personality that stand out the most when you interact with other people. These areas are the guiding parts of your character.

(Sassy : OK, can we just get on with this now?)

Extroversion

Average Male : 20

Average Female : 51

Your Score : 20

You are somewhat less outgoing than the average female is. Most females like to keep themselves busy with continuous interaction, conversations, and the company of others. You also enjoy these things, but having some time on your own is equally important to you. This is one of the guiding parts of your personality. The average male and the average female differ slightly in their extroversion level. The average male tends to be less extroverted than the average female is.

(Sassy : Like, duh. Tell me something new, buddy.)

Emotionality

Average Male : 74

Average Female : 76

Your Score : 86

You are somewhat more reactive to your feelings and moods than the average female is.

(Sassy : Like, double duh.)

 When it comes to emotions, you feel them more intensely than the average female does. This is one of theguiding parts of your personality. The average male and female are similar in their level of emotionality. Women, however, tend to talk about their feelings and emotions more than men do. Starting in early childhood, girls are encouraged to express their feelings more than boys are.

Thoroughness

Average Male : 63

Average Female : 72

Your Score : 38

When it comes to certain tasks, you are less organized and detailoriented than most females are.

(Sassy : You’re very kind to put things in such a gentile manner. Can you please put a good word in for me with my husband?And my boss??)

 On the other hand, you are more flexible than the average female is.

(Sassy : Score !)

Both aspects will stand out to people. This is one of the guiding parts of your personality. The average male and female are similar in their level of thoroughness. They like to finish one task before moving on to the next.

Openness

Average Male : 51

Average Female :53

Your Score : 66

You are more adventurous than most females are.

(Sassy : Backpacking through Asia for a year with no money kind of requires this, my friend. Can we get on with this?)

 Most females like to stick to the patterns and things they know. This is an area where your personality stands out when compared to other females. Because other people tend to be more afraid of change and novelty, you are seen as an explorer and breath of fresh air in comparison.

(Sassy : Can you please repeat the part about me being a breath of fresh air? I like compliments…)

This is a guiding part of your personality.  The average male and female are similar in their openness need. They appreciate some change every once in a while, but for the most part prefer routines.

(Sassy : Routine schmoutine !)

Agreeableness

Average Male : 40

Average Female : 56

Your Score : 71

(Sassy : YES ! I am agreeable ! I knew it !)

You care more about the feelings and opinions of other people than most females do.

(Sassy : What? You mean that nonchalant devil may care attitude is just a facade??? A shell worn to keep people from wounding me with their casual rejection??? No, no, I’m in denial !!!)

 Most females keep some space between themselves and the problems of other people. You try to as well, but often have a harder time doing it.

(Sassy : Yeah yeah, I’m a good listener, et al…)

 Your empathy and concern for otherpeople are guiding parts of your personality. Males and females differ slightly in their levels of agreeableness. The average female is more agreeable than the average male is.

Your Thinking-Mode Preferences and the Average :

Sensing vs. Intuiting

Average Male : 18

Average Female : 38

Your Score : 42

You are similar to most females in the type of information that stands out and attracts you.

(Sassy : What? You mean after all this that I’m just an average girl??? No way !)

Like you, most females are more attracted to the connections between the facts than to the facts themselves. Males and females differ in the type of information they are attracted to. Most males prefer to focus on facts in the ‘here and now’, while most females prefer to focus on what can be inferred or speculated on.

(Sassy : OK, I get it now…)

Thinking vs. Feeling

Average Male : 38

Average Female : 47

Your Score : 45

You make decisions in a way that is similar to the way that most females make decisions. Most females follow their gut instinct or heart when making decisions, even if it may seem slightly illogical to do so. Males are an interesting case when it comes to thinking vs. feeling: 50 percent of males are ‘thinkers’, making decisions based mostly on logic, while the other 50 percent are extreme ‘feelers’ – making decisions based fully on their heart.

(Sassy : I’m a lover, ot a thinker.)

Judging vs. Perceiving

Average Male : 9

Average Female : 37

Your Score : 24

The average female and male feel most comfortable in an environment that is semi-structured and stable. They enjoy finishing a project more than they enjoy beginning a project. You are somewhat different in this regard: you like the excitement of open-ended possibilities.

(Sassy : Yes ! Yes ! Yes !)

This is a guiding part of your personality.

We hope you enjoyed reading this chapter from your Personality

You can order your complete 100-page Personality Report for 29.95€

(Sassy : Oh ! And I thought you really were my friend ! Get your grubby little hands out of my heart now or I’ll have to kick you in the teeth ! How’s them onions for being agreeable !!!)