chrysalis
Thank you for your kind comments concerning the paintings. I really don’t know what to say, or think. I guess no matter how many people say nice things I’ve always got the little ‘You suck!’ voice echoing in my head.
I’m not fishing for more, so please, don’t give it, but it’s weird how easy it is to brush off positive reinforcement, yet all the while believe the small percentage of people who don’t believe in us. Or to imagine a percentage that may not even exist.
When you wait thirty-two years to do something you’ve always wanted to do because you were afraid of sucking at it, but then finally do it and realize you don’t suck that much and might actually be able to develop it into something decent, it kinda puts a whole lot of life issues into perspective.
Like this talk the MB and I had yesterday -it was one of those “how-do-I-say-the-thing-that-has-been-eating-away-at-the-insides-of-my-brain/heart-all-these-years-without-destroying-everything-we-hold-precious” moments. And then bingbangboom he said it, and I said it, and it was like ok, we’re crying but I feel so light and finally do not want to flinch when he touches my hand, now how nice is that?
Why did we wait so long?
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m basically realizing (once again) that nearly everything that i holding us back from doing what we want to do is fear of things that are completely ridiculous and would never, ever, happen.
Imagine this : I post my first two completed paintings. Mind you, I have never painted before. I have never shown these paintings to anyone, and have the silly idea to put them up on my blog, because, what the hell, I can do whatever I want here. So I post them, and get a reaction like -
Pamela Poole : Affreux! Tu es nulle ! Stop.
Marianne : I hate the colours in the first – and the absence of movement and light. I think it looks hideous!
Arjewtino : Wow, these really freaking suck. I might commission you to paint one of me. IN ANOTHER LIFE, Sassy Suckface.
180/360 : Those are horrible! I am so unimpressed.
Deanna : Ugly !
Andrea : Those are HIDEOUS. I am disgusted. I have always loved photography and painting, and am way, way better at them than you could even dream of being. Maybe you should quit even trying.
Diane Mandy : You are so utterly devoid of talent!
Neil : Pfff.
Bev : blech sassy the first one is freaking awful. really
But that’s not what happened, and just the fact that it didn’t happen shows how utterly ridiculous even imagining it could happen like that is. And being vulnerable becomes a lot less scary. And we get to kill one more demon.
Thanks guys, for helping me slay this one.
Man, for a second there I was wondering, “How the hell did I leave THAT comment? I must have been drunk!”
hehe, gotcha.
Got me too. I was thinking, “who is that bitchy Marianne? she does disservice to the fabulous name”, for at least a half a second.
Thanks for making me laugh out loud in the midst of one of those days where I’m facing a few of my own most hellish fears. I know the worst that can happen probably won’t, and even if it does I’ll survive. But nothing beats a giggle for getting that message from head all the way down to heart.
the past year for me was a year of acknowledging self truths, overcoming fears, and it has been the best year of personal growth for me in my life.
you do have a talent, and i applaud you for having courage. taking chances. and believing.
at one point you mentioned words don’t come when you paint. the painting is your words…and that’s a great thing. communication and emotion is more than words.
always live your bliss…you’ll have less regret.
I have a huge fear of the unknown, and I am an expert at imagining the worst possible reactions. I have to say, though, that I laughed out loud at your imagined opposite comments. You’ve captured the essence of our evil twins perfectly!